This is a more serious email, and I have permission to share it in it's entirety. I hope Hermana Hopkins's words are a comfort and a help to anyone who needs it.
Depression is self-torture. Don't do it! Please hear me out as this is the biggest thing that I learned this week and the following phrase has played over and over in my head for the last few days. Depression is Selfish. Hear me out, I am not saying that YOU are selfish, but depression in general is selfish. This is one of the most self-destructive feelings that a person can have. I have been so incredibly depressed this week as well. It has been very difficult. I received a blessing though and have been conversing with my Heavenly Father and He has helped me so much through prayer and other people as well. One of the Adversary's best working tools is selfishness. If he can get you to be sad and think about how hard your life is and how useless you must be and that you can't achieve what the Lord has commanded you to do then he is winning and has power over you. Making the decision to be happy is not an easy task though! We can't just decide to be happy and smiling and positive all in the snap of a finger! It is a process, study the Atonement. Study how the Savior must have felt as He walked with His apostles to the place in the Garden of Gethsemane where he would, knowingly, take on the sins of the world. Think of how He must have felt as he was rejected, knowing full well that He was correct and true and obedient in everything that He ever did, thought, or said. Think of how He must have felt. Don't let sadness and doubt and depression hold you in a trap. The Savior of the WORLD did not suffer so that you could be depressed. He suffered so that you could be HAPPY. And enjoy the BLESSINGS that you receive in EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF EVERY SINGLE DAY. THIS is the message which I share with people every day. THIS is HOW I am even able to be out here right now. Without the Atonement I would be far from worthy to serve as His representative. But He makes all of that possible.
Satan does not want you to go to the temple either. Will you let him win????
This is the Lord's time and we missionaries are His representatives. Yesterday a man asked how long I had been learning Spanish... I told him the truth, which is 3 months, and he was rather surprised. It made me realize how long I have been on a mission already. I can't believe that it has already been 3 months for me... In the MTC I remember thinking every single day about how I did not want to go home being the same person that I was. I wanted to have a complete change of heart, to be spiritually reborn. I have realized that being spiritually reborn comes by experience using the Atonement of our Savior in our lives. It comes from repentance. I feel like on the mission we see ourselves as if we are looking at a carpet with a magnifying glass. Before the mission I felt like I was a good person with good intent and didn't have a lot that I needed to repent for. But now as I look closer at my "carpet" I can see all the tiny things that I couldn't see before that I need to clean up. And there is a lot! But I am definitely learning that even though I have many faults and things to work on and change, I must always be turning outward and serving. This is not my time to practice perfecting myself. This is the Lord's time to focus on inviting others to come unto Him, and even though I have things to work on I must always be striving to serve and bless the lives of those who do not have the same blessings that I do. That is probably the most recent thing that I have been learning. How to turn outward even when I would rather turn inward and focus on myself. There are so many amazing people here who are prepared to receive all the Father has prepared for them. We just have to find them and teach them how to follow Christ. I get so excited to share with other people and to love them. I get so excited to hear their stories and help them apply the Gospel and be blessed. They are wonderful and beautiful people, my brothers and sisters.
If you are WORTHY to go to the temple then GO. Do not confuse worthiness with perfection. Our Heavenly Father knows that we are not perfect yet he LOVES us anyway. He trusts us to make our daily decisions and repent for the mistakes that we do make. But never confuse those two things.
I love you. You can choose to share this entire email, parts of it, or none of it with others if you would like. But know that I love you. Know that Heavenly Father loves and watches over you and the entire family each day. He is aware of all that happens and he has many blessings in store for you if you only ask and do your part.
Hermana Alexandria Hopkins
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